March 2009 Archives

March 1, 2009

My Funny Valentine

People like John Valentine make me want to get into politics some day. The economy is in shambles, personal freedoms are under attack, and the government is steadily increasing in size and scope. But State Senator Valentine has a plan to fix all these issues. Haha, I keed, I keed.

Just when Utah Liquor Laws might finally see some sanity, Valentine is trying to push though a bill that would require restaurants to wall off the bar section and make it a crime to pour a drink in plain view of patrons. The rationale is that it protects children from the allure of alcohol. Never mind the incredible costs to restaurants, their patrons and the state.

Perhaps the most idiotic part of the bill is the redefinition of "intoxication." Having a seizure? Suffer from nystagmus? Just a loud talker? Looking at a cop funny? Congratulations, you could be cited for public intoxication under the new wording.

Here's a better idea:

Let's create a law that requires all cars registered in Utah to be retrofitted with special seats for passengers under the age of 16. These seats would be surrounded by an opaque plastic curtain so that young passengers would no longer be bombarded and tempted by the sights of people driving. Additionally, let's make it a misdemeanor to ever be seen driving. This includes simulated driving (video games, pantomiming, etc.).

Right and Left love to complain about the Nanny State, but they are equally guilty of promoting and expanding it.

While we do still plan on moving north, it is a little bit tempting to stick around Orem a few more years to support (or be) Valentine's opponent in 2010.

Posted by jon at 10:45 PM | Comments (1)
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